I want something new. I want something exciting.
I am lacking that motivation, that inspiration, that adventure.
I have constant thoughts running through my brain... thoughts about what I want to look like, how I want my future to be, what I want to be apart of, what I want to do. These thoughts are a constant. A Streaming video on repeat in my head. But I'm stuck. I'm in between a wall and a corner. I am my own worst enemy. Because no matter how much I think about those things, no matter how many times I think to myself "I want to do this." I don't ever seem to get there.
After some time, I've noticed that my goal life, my vision of how I want my life to be, how I want to be, has become stagnant... I can no longer see the vivid colors of the dreams. I can't feel the excitement of the goals. I find myself looking for something to dream about at night, and I struggle to bring those visions to my mind... I've lost sight of them. The things that I would get so excited for have been lost in the sea of tedious nothingness that my life's routine has become. But this is the thing: I know I can get out of it. I know that I can change the outlook of my future, of myself, and that all I need is that 'push'. So I start to look. I start to think about how I can find that inspiration that I need to get my dream train going.... And I can't find it! Sometimes it'd be that movie. Or that book. Or that friend that you can always count on for that refreshment. But I can't find them. And I can feel myself slipping further and further away from that creative, driven, ambitious side of myself.
It's like I'm a train with a long load of work to do. I don't doubt in myself that I can finish all of that work, and do it amazingly, I know I can. But my personal demon, my struggle, is getting that train to START. It's always been the hardest part for me. Once I get it going, I know I can do it and I'll be happy and accomplished, but its getting that lazy/uncertain/unconfident side of me to focus that's my hardest struggle. And as of right now, I'm losing against myself. FML.

Fleet Foxes

Fleet Foxes
Folk Dusty Back to Basics Lovely

Mon Homme

and how do you know when to let go?

where does the good go?

look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive.

look me in the heart and tell me you wont go.

look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love.

look me in the heart and unbreak broken it wont happen.