The Power of Love

Sometimes I get scared.
I think of the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me...

The loss of a Loved One...

And I choke up.

My breath gets caught in my throat
and suddenly I struggle to breathe.
I start to feel the tingling sting in my eyes
and my vision starts to blur....
My heart physically starts to ache
Tighten
Distress...

I cannot fathom the loss of someone I love...
I love the people in my life... so much.... words cannot even describe.
They are not worthy.
They would insult the depth of the love.

I know that life is life.
That life is not eternal.
That death is a natural process.
In my head, its a logical fact.
But my heart is stronger.
Death does not, CANNOT, exist.
There is no such thing in my heart.

And I live mostly by my heart.

I am scared to death.
I can't even bare to think about it.
Because each person I care about... occupies a large part of my heart.
THEY are my heart.
THEY are my life.
And all I can do, is hope to God... to the Universe... to Life....
that I do not, ever, come even close... to losing any of them.

.... I would not survive....

I would die with them.

Still the Same...

I know what I want.
I have a list.
I've put it everywhere so that I can see it,
but I always seem to lose sight of it somehow...
So I'm posting it on here,
and making a Promise.
A Promise to myself.



I am going to work as hard and as consistently as I can to accomplish every task on that list.
For myself.
There are things I want to feel
and I have some steps to take to make that feeling into a reality.

I want to feel healthy
I want to feel beautiful
I want to feel strong
I want to feel independant
I want to feel successful
I want to feel respected
Fun
Sexy
Womanly
Adult
Happy
Outgoing
Adequate
Fit

... And like I've done all the things that I've always wanted to do
and like I've attained all the things that I've wanted to get.



So now's the time.
I'm starting it.
I'm making it happen.


SCupcake's List of Wonders...

A studio loft
a better wardrobe
Steady income that covers all my needs as well as gives me room for play.
My tattoos all touched up and finished
To learn how to play the guitar
To take dancing lessons
To travel
Nicer things for my bedroom, and soon to be for my place
to start running again
to have more frequent spa days/nights
take better care of my body
1000% quit smoking tobacco
To start singing again
to do some really fun, beautiful photo shoots
To intern at in a fashion district
to work somehow in the music district
Go to Greece, France, Europe (basically) and Montreal with Shauna or Alone in the next 2 years
More girlie high heels
More girlie dresses
Sharper clothes
A headboard for my bed
Candles
Karate lessons again
Kayaking
Lasertag
My license
a Car
off the shoulder shirts
dangling earrings
To be swept away in passion
to be showered with unexpected gifts
to be taken out to nice restaurants
Rollerblading through Stanley Park
Treated to Spa days
Volunteer
Help out at local festivals
Help out at local fundraisers and events
Go to India, China, Egypt, Thailand and Africa in the next 3 years
Spend more time with my Grandmothers
Hang out with my little brothers
Get super awesome at Rock Band so I can Whomp my brothers





I just want to feel like I'm not being taken for granted
like I'm special
like I'm a prize.

My Dream/Goal Board

Fashion Industry - Styling, Marketing, Promotion, Designing
Event Planning, Hosting
Independent Boutique/Franchise Owner
Music Events
Charitable Event Planning, Hosting
Helping others who can't help themselves
Making a difference
Music Industry
Meeting new people
Helping others get their start
Changing the World
Healthy Lifestyle coaching

veio até mim

quem deixou me olhar assim

não pediu minha permissão

não pude evitar

tirou meu ar

fiquei sem chão

menino bonito

menino bonito ai

ai menino bonito

menino bonito ai

é tudo o que eu posso

lhe adiantar

o que é um beijo se eu posso ter o teu olhar

cai na dança cai

vem pra roda da malemolência

Elixxxxxxxuir

Fantasied and Prophesied
Thick. Succulent, and Quaint.
Lick my lips and bat my eyes
Rich. Sexy, and Taint.

Whatever.

We make it to break it
These silly games are played
I thought all those words... you meant it
But I guess this is what it feels like to be played.

Both directions, they're pulling
Heart torn, tattered and maimed
Your eyes, they tell such stories, behind them...
But I guess it's just me to be blamed.

We make it to break it
Heart torn, tattered and maimed
I thought all those words... you meant it
But I guess it's just me to be blamed...
But I guess it's just me to be blamed...
But I guess it's just me
to
be
blamed.