Exciting News...

So my life has started to pick right back up again, thank heavens.

In the new few weeks, I have unlimited visits from cousins, family, friends, adventures left right and center! And my opporunity to get more involved with FACE OF TODAY and the board of directors involved in that organization is getting kick started!

Next week I'm meeting with my good friend Michele to talk about organizing plans for me to interior design her new house (Yes friends, I am infact a part-time free lance interior designer!), as well as to catch up... Dinner and drinks with Michele is always so eye opening and exciting, because Michele believes in me and my idea and goals so much. She has been such an amazing support and has really done so much in terms of helping me get my goals lined up for completion.

This coming visit with Michele entails a meeting with Kasondra Cohen, who is the founder and president for Face of Today for drinks and some appies. I had the pleasure of meeting Kasondra at the launch party for Face of Today, and she is amazing. She was such a nice woman, and the fact that she's only a couple of years older than I am, and has accomplished so much, its inspirational. I am so unbelievably excited to learn more from both Michele and Kasondra, and the fact that they see something in me, is the most flattering thing.

I have also been offered a sort of promotion within the company that I work with now. As of this moment, I am a Administrative manager with Desjardins Financial Security Independent Network, and I have loved it so far. I have my own office, and I've been given full reins to take control over the organizational systems and such. Any changes I feel necessary, I can do with no questions asked. The freedom has been really liberating and I finally feel like I've been given a challenging position in comparison to the other positions I've worked in, in my past. My boss has propositioned me a representative position with our branch, meaning everything that I process, such as contracts for insurence and investments, I would sell. The posibilities within this position is incredible, I could be making close to the amount that my boss makes, and its enterprenurial, which is exactly what I want to be. The courses that I would need to take would be all paid for by my boss, as well as I would start off working with the people I do now. I'm contemplating this seriously, and its a very large possibility of happening...

On another note, the SSS crew will be moving into their own household this summer! I am SO freaking stoked, its crazy to think about how amazing and fun and awesome this will all be. Holy toledos Batman. I can tell you right now, our place is going to be DOPE. Each one of those girls are such independent, amazing, wonderful, hilarious, beautiful women.. Holy Fack I cannot even describe the adventures we're going to have. All three of us are currently perfect-place hunting, we're all ready, now we just need to find THE house. SO FREAKING STOKED.

Vitamin J has been living with me for the past month and I HAVE NEVER HAD SO MUCH FUN SNUGGLING. I'm probably glowing right now as I type this because seriously people? I can't describe how fucking amazing it's been with him sharing a home with me. I come home to him saying "So whats the plan of action for tonight SarBear?" I have been so freaking busy, and in a GOOD way because both of us go out and have little mini dates. We cook dinner together, we watch movies and shows together, we SNUGGLE, we go out for pub nights, we SNUGGLE, we talk about life, work out, SNUGGLE... did I mention snuggle?

Strength.

What a rough night.
First off, what the hell just happened? How? What? Huh?
So... I guess that's that...?

Why did you just walk away...

So... I still don't really understand what just happened, or how we got from point A to Z in the matter of seconds, out of no where. I hated that you yelled at me. I hated the patronizing. I hated that you were getting so frustrated with the fact that I just couldn't understand what/where all of this was coming from, and the importance of it all.

I was hurt by you.

When you said that you'd cut me out completely, and without any remorse, my heart broke.
You stunned me. Right there. I was lost in complete oblivion. It was like a bomb just exploded in my head and all that I could feel was the silent chaos and deafening confusion of mass distruction. Shell shocked.
But I'm immune to this distruction. This state of shock is something all too familiar to me now. I just feel like a fool for thinking that your empty promises and certifications of "I'll always be there" were real this time, were true. But I guess you're just like the rest. Surprised that it happened again? No. It was expected. Surprised that it was You? Yes.
What sucks the most is not only did you just pack up your metaphorical shit and leave, but you did it without hesitation. It shouldn't have been so black and white. I shouldn't have been so black and white to you. I am not disposible. I am a human being. And I'm the type of human being that was willing to sacrifice everything that she wanted if it meant that it was what YOU wanted. To give up something important to her, if it meant to give you happiness.
You just made yourself into a hypocrite. You'd go on and on about how you're not the type of person to sacrifice friendships for a relationship. But you just did. So easily too.

I hope she makes you happy. I really do. But I also hope that you don't give anything else up (if I was even a sacrifice to you) for it. Because thats not fair to you. And thats not a healthy relationship if its demanded for it.

As for what's next for me? Well, if this really is what it is, and you're really good with cutting me out, without even a bat of an eye, or a fight, then I have one less transient fluid nonsensical being in my life. You'll join the ranks of the rest, and I'll continue on with the handful of people who would never ever drop me so simply and quickly. They're the people who FIGHT for me. And I only want those people in my heart, and in my life. Just so you know? You had a reserved seat with that handful of people, I saved you a spot. I truly had hope in my heart for your seat.
But if this is truly what it is? You don't deserve it. So, you know what? Best of luck to ya.

Don't you dare ever question the depths of my friendship and caring for you. If you ever do, you'd be slapping me in the face. Because I just did the most ultimate sacrifice for you, and your 'happiness'.

I gave you up.

I never wanted to...

I didn't Want to Choose to Loose
Now I'm broken battered and bruised.
My heart feels like a little empty shell
All these thoughts are pure distinct hell.

I miss you now
I'll miss you then
I just wish I wasn't locked inside this stupid pen.

I just wanted You to be Happy
and I guess that means it doesn't consist Me.
I was willing to sacrifice one of the most important things
In order for you to Be.