Lonesome for No One...
The Love is Empty.

To those Loved Ones that I've lost...

[Auntie Di, Auntie Donna, Uncle Jim and Grandma Doreen]


Uncle Jim:
[Passed Oct 23rd, 2009]

Your spirit was something contagious.
You brought laughter to the room with every wink
Your love for Aunt Jackie was something I admired...
coming from a cynical non-believer in ever lasting love... you proved me wrong.
With every year that passed by, your love and admiration of Aunt Jackie and our family grew stronger. I will never forget how even till the very end of our time spent together, you still looked at Aunt Jackie with undying love and respect. You would always call her 'your sweetie'. And it touched my heart everytime. You were never shy to show your love, and in our family structure, that was something that was rare... I admired you for that.
Even when the doctors told us that you only had a short amount of time with us, your strength struck me. You had so much wisdom and hope and confidence that "you never know." You were not afraid. I was. My regrets are that I didn't get to spend enough time with you to feel satisfied.. but on second though, I'm not sure if this lifetime would've been able to give me the amount of time I wanted or needed. I'm still young in believing that every one of my loved ones are untouchable, Invincible. When I found out this morning that you had unexpectedly passed, a piece of my heart passed on with you. That part of my heart will never grow back. It's my homage to the love that I have for you.
Your belief in me means the world. And I'll love you for always. The only comfort I can take with this is knowing that you're no longer stuck in a cancer ridden jail cell of pain.
I am thankful for all that you have given me Jim. You gave me love. Support. Confidence in myself. Laughter, strength, and family.
I am forever indebted to you.

I fucking hate you, cancer. You had no right in taking away someone so important in my life, so quickly. Who the fuck are you to tell me I only have x amount of time to spend with someone I care about? Who made you god? You had no right.
And you've just gone and taken an amazing, wonderful, warmhearted, genuine being off of this earth. Fuck you.

Bad Romance

I want your ugly
I want your disease
I want your everything
As long as it’s free
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love

I want your drama
The touch of your hand
I want you leather studded kiss in the scene
And I want your love

J'veux ton amour
Et je veux ton revenge
J'veux ton amour

You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want a bad,your bad romance

Just FOCUS;
Be who you want to be
Plan out your course of action
and accomplish them.

Who is it that you see when you look in the mirror?
Does the external match the internal point of view?
FOCUS.

What are the things you want to accomplish?
Are you working hard with each day to make them into reality?
FOCUS.

Who do you want to be?
Be it.
Take those steps.
Make those plans.
and Follow Through.


You are your own biggest enemy
You have that inspiration
Find it.
Keep it.
And pay it forward.

Surround yourself with the people who impress and inspire you
Learn.
Give others the opportunity.
If you can help them, go to the end.

Love each day and never waste it.
Because you are blessed.

My Moon, My Man...

Waiting for the day
for that knight in shining l'amour
to take me away.

It's been so long
those feelings so muted
That excitement, that happiness
that feeling of it being perfect
Are all distant memories
so distant, forgotten
that when I sit down and try to recognize them
All I get back is empty acknowledgment.

I know that My Moon has it's planned destiny
For me, my heart, and my journey to ecstasy
That My Man will come with no feelings of 'wrong'
And all that I'll say is "What took You so long?"

Lust

Why is this on Repeat?
Those looks that you give me
move my eyes to my feet.
Unfathomable connection
so desiringly sweet
Yet completely dangerous
because you're already concrete
With another...
You make me want more
more talk more greet
It's not like you're meaning to...
if you are, you're discrete.

But I cannot help it
these feelings are acknowledged
You're Perfect and Wonderful
but made for another.

Nevertheless
you're something so blessed
to have you be apart of my life
so amazing, I confess.

I can't...

Wait

to fall in love.

Baby, I swear it's Deja Vu

Tonight, I'll be Your...

Go Girl

Ignorance is Your best friend...

i fuel myself off the pain.

To all those amazing beings in my little life...

"I am having one of my many moments of clarity, and though it may not be known as well as I'd like it to be, You are someone I value having in my life, and love. Know that the fact that I have been blessed to have You in my life, in any size of amount, is something I truly and honestly feel blessed about. Know in Your heart of hearts that You are apart of what makes my world vivid with color, and for that - Thank you. Love."

Sometimes my heart is too big for me to handle

Sometimes, I feel so much love, compassion, beauty, sadness, happiness... that my heart physically aches with the immensity of it. This quality of myself, is something I adore about myself. It's truly an enlightening moment for me when I get so overwhelmed by a moment. A pure, simple moment. It moves me entirely. And every time, the intensity of it surprises me. It makes life real for me. It makes me get myself out of my conditioned default state of believing that my little world is the entirety of the world and life. It makes me realize. There's a bigger picture. A LOT bigger than anything I will ever understand.
And I am thankful.
Forever truly thankful.

Folkelectronica/Pretty/Pleasing
Ellie Goulding

The World is mine for the taking.
So I'm going to take it.
Watch me.

"I believe the main thing about Love
and being broken from the loss of it,
is that instead of burying yourself in the pain of it's death,
embrace the fact that you're lucky enough
to have had it."

Vamp

Tammy Maltese Creatives

Check her out!!!
Maltese Creative
Maltese Design Blog
Silky Dragon Boutique
Evolve Love

Hallow's eve

On Halloween

Costume: Vampire Old school glamor style

Make up : Disturbia video - Vamp red lips, dark eye liner, MAC professional
fake lashes
colored contact lens - black? Gold? Ice Blue? Bright Green?
Nails and tips of fingers sprayed black
black lace fish nets
black pencil skirt
lace corset with peek-a-boo red bra
black high heeled boots
Platinum white hair with black panel - curled
Find cool old school hair piece - feathers lace spider web design
Get legit fake fangs - not the mouth pieces, movie costume fangs

CLASSIC - NOT SLUTTY - MYSTERIOUS - PINUP - DARK - COVERED

Dove è il mio conquistatore amore?
Non mi degna?
Où est mon vainqueur amour?
Je ne suis pas digne?
¿Dónde está mi vencedor amor?
¿No soy digno?
Gdje je moja ljubav osvajač?
Nisam dostojan?
Where, oh where....

¿Dónde está mi amor conquistador?
oh how... how is this worth waiting?
oh how... how is this waiting worth?
the lonely heart
patient
¿Dónde está mi amor?
oh how...
how long?
tell me if you're straying
Où est mon amour vainqueur?
Je ne suis pas digne?
aching
waiting
aching
waiting
aching
shame
Non mi degna?
Am I not worthy?
I've been dying to reach you
I've been yearning to meet you
waiting
waiting
waiting
w
a
i
t
i
n
g

"God" is Love

What is Love?
What is God?
Are they not the same?

If they are the same, and you believe in one or the other, then why do you segregate?

"Love thy Neighbor"... True words.
Did it mean only love that Neighbor if he/she conformed to certain expectations?
To certain belief structures?
Appearances?

No.

It means just to love. And to love is to accept. Unconditionally.
There was no small print. No descriptions of who/how/what that neighbor is.
You're just to love. Simple. Plain and simple.

So then just do it.
Instead of being hypercritical of everyone around you.
If you say you are a child of god, then don't be a hypocrite of who you identify yourself to be.
If you preach the words, then you better actually follow them.

The Little Things

The little things, you do to me are
taking me over, i wanna show ya
everything inside of me
like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating
my feet are stuck here, against the pavement
i wanna break free, i wanna make it
closer to your eyes, get your attention
before you pass me by

So back up back up take another chance
Don’t you mess up mess up I don’t wanna lose you
Wake up wake up this ain't just a thing that you
Give up give up don’t you say that I’d be
Better off better off, sleeping by myself and wondering
If I'm better off better off, with out you boy

So don't just leave me hanging on
And every time, you notice me by
holding me closely, and saying sweet things
i don't believe, that it could be
you speaking your mind and, saying the real thing
my feet have broke free, and i am leaving
I'm not gonna stand here, feeling lonely but
i wont forget you, and i won't think this
was just a waste of time

So back up back up take another chance
Don’t you mess up mess up I don’t wanna lose you
Wake up wake up this ain't just a thing that you
Give up give up don’t you say that I’d be
Better off better off, sleeping by myself and wondering
If I'm better off better off, with out you boy

But don't just leave me hanging on............

Wild Fox

It was for Freedom...
From Myself, and from Them.
I made a lot of mistakes.

All things go.
All things go.

Falling in Love in a Coffee Shop

I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yes There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down
I want to come too

I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you

No one understands me quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I think that possibly

Maybe I'm falling for you

Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine
Now I'm shining too

Because
Oh
Because I've fallen quite hard over you

If I didn't know you I'd rather not know
If I couldn't have you I'd rather be alone

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

All of the while
All of the while
All of the while it was you, you
All of the while
All of the while it was you, you

Chicago

I fell in love again
all things go, all things go
drove to Chicago
all things know, all things know
we sold our clothes to the state
I don't mind, I don't mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

I drove to New York
in the van, with my friend
we slept in parking lots
I don't mind, I don't mind
I was in love with the place
in my mind, in my mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

if I was crying
in the van, with my friend
it was for freedom
from myself and from the land
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things know, all things know
(I made a lot of mistakes)
you had to find it
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things go, all things go
(I made a lot of mistakes)

Words of Wisdom from David Foster Wallace

There are these two young fish swimming along, and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, "Morning, boys, how's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, "What the hell is water?"
If at this moment, you're worried that I plan to present myself here as the wise old fish explaining what water is to you younger fish, please don't be. I am not the wise old fish. The immediate point of the fish story is that the most obvious, ubiquitous, important realities are often the ones that are the hardest to see and talk about. Stated as an English sentence, of course, this is just a banal platitude -- but the fact is that, in the day-to-day trenches of adult existence, banal platitudes can have life-or-death importance. That may sound like hyperbole, or abstract nonsense.
A huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded. Here's one example of the utter wrongness of something I tend to be automatically sure of: Everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe, the realest, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely talk about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness, because it's so socially repulsive, but it's pretty much the same for all of us, deep down. It is our default-setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: There is no experience you've had that you were not at the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is right there in front of you, or behind you, to the left or right of you, on your TV, or your monitor, or whatever. Other people's thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real -- you get the idea. But please don't worry that I'm getting ready to preach to you about compassion or other-directedness or the so-called "virtues." This is not a matter of virtue -- it's a matter of my choosing to do the work of somehow altering or getting free of my natural, hard-wired default-setting, which is to be deeply and literally self-centered, and to see and interpret everything through this lens of self.
People who can adjust their natural default-setting this way are often described as being "well adjusted," which I suggest to you is not an accidental term.

Given the triumphal academic setting here, an obvious question is how much of this work of adjusting our default-setting involves actual knowledge or intellect. This question gets tricky. Probably the most dangerous thing about college education, at least in my own case, is that it enables my tendency to over-intellectualize stuff, to get lost in abstract arguments inside my head instead of simply paying attention to what's going on right in front of me. Paying attention to what's going on inside me. As I'm sure you guys know by now, it is extremely difficult to stay alert and attentive instead of getting hypnotized by the constant monologue inside your own head. Twenty years after my own graduation, I have come gradually to understand that the liberal-arts cliché about "teaching you how to think" is actually shorthand for a much deeper, more serious idea: "Learning how to think" really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. Think of the old cliché about "the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible master." This, like many clichés, so lame and unexciting on the surface, actually expresses a great and terrible truth. It is not the least bit coincidental that adults who commit suicide with firearms almost always shoot themselves in the head. And the truth is that most of these suicides are actually dead long before they pull the trigger. And I submit that this is what the real, no-bull- value of your liberal-arts education is supposed to be about: How to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default-setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone, day in and day out.
That may sound like hyperbole, or abstract nonsense. So let's get concrete. The plain fact is that you graduating seniors do not yet have any clue what "day in, day out" really means. There happen to be whole large parts of adult American life that nobody talks about in commencement speeches. One such part involves boredom, routine, and petty frustration. The parents and older folks here will know all too well what I'm talking about.

“The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day.”

By way of example, let's say it's an average day, and you get up in the morning, go to your challenging job, and you work hard for nine or ten hours, and at the end of the day you're tired, and you're stressed out, and all you want is to go home and have a good supper and maybe unwind for a couple of hours and then hit the rack early because you have to get up the next day and do it all again. But then you remember there's no food at home -- you haven't had time to shop this week, because of your challenging job -- and so now after work you have to get in your car and drive to the supermarket. It's the end of the workday, and the traffic's very bad, so getting to the store takes way longer than it should, and when you finally get there the supermarket is very crowded, because of course it's the time of day when all the other people with jobs also try to squeeze in some grocery shopping, and the store's hideously, fluorescently lit, and infused with soul-killing Muzak or corporate pop, and it's pretty much the last place you want to be, but you can't just get in and quickly out: You have to wander all over the huge, overlit store's crowded aisles to find the stuff you want, and you have to maneuver your junky cart through all these other tired, hurried people with carts, and of course there are also the glacially slow old people and the spacey people and the ADHD kids who all block the aisle and you have to grit your teeth and try to be polite as you ask them to let you by, and eventually, finally, you get all your supper supplies, except now it turns out there aren't enough checkout lanes open even though it's the end-of-the-day-rush, so the checkout line is incredibly long, which is stupid and infuriating, but you can't take your fury out on the frantic lady working the register.
Anyway, you finally get to the checkout line's front, and pay for your food, and wait to get your check or card authenticated by a machine, and then get told to "Have a nice day" in a voice that is the absolute voice of death, and then you have to take your creepy flimsy plastic bags of groceries in your cart through the crowded, bumpy, littery parking lot, and try to load the bags in your car in such a way that everything doesn't fall out of the bags and roll around in the trunk on the way home, and then you have to drive all the way home through slow, heavy, SUV-intensive rush-hour traffic, etcetera, etcetera.
The point is that petty, frustrating crap like this is exactly where the work of choosing comes in. Because the traffic jams and crowded aisles and long checkout lines give me time to think, and if I don't make a conscious decision about how to think and what to pay attention to, I'm going to be pissed and miserable every time I have to food-shop, because my natural default-setting is the certainty that situations like this are really all about me, about my hungriness and my fatigue and my desire to just get home, and it's going to seem, for all the world, like everybody else is just in my way, and who are all these people in my way? And look at how repulsive most of them are and how stupid and cow-like and dead-eyed and nonhuman they seem here in the checkout line, or at how annoying and rude it is that people are talking loudly on cell phones in the middle of the line, and look at how deeply unfair this is: I've worked really hard all day and I'm starved and tired and I can't even get home to eat and unwind because of all these stupid g-d- people.
Or, of course, if I'm in a more socially conscious form of my default-setting, I can spend time in the end-of-the-day traffic jam being angry and disgusted at all the huge, stupid, lane-blocking SUV's and Hummers and V-12 pickup trucks burning their wasteful, selfish, forty-gallon tanks of gas, and I can dwell on the fact that the patriotic or religious bumper stickers always seem to be on the biggest, most disgustingly selfish vehicles driven by the ugliest, most inconsiderate and aggressive drivers, who are usually talking on cell phones as they cut people off in order to get just twenty stupid feet ahead in a traffic jam, and I can think about how our children's children will despise us for wasting all the future's fuel and probably screwing up the climate, and how spoiled and stupid and disgusting we all are, and how it all just sucks, and so on and so forth...
Look, if I choose to think this way, fine, lots of us do -- except that thinking this way tends to be so easy and automatic it doesn't have to be a choice. Thinking this way is my natural default-setting. It's the automatic, unconscious way that I experience the boring, frustrating, crowded parts of adult life when I'm operating on the automatic, unconscious belief that I am the center of the world and that my immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world's priorities. The thing is that there are obviously different ways to think about these kinds of situations. In this traffic, all these vehicles stuck and idling in my way: It's not impossible that some of these people in SUV's have been in horrible auto accidents in the past and now find driving so traumatic that their therapist has all but ordered them to get a huge, heavy SUV so they can feel safe enough to drive; or that the Hummer that just cut me off is maybe being driven by a father whose little child is hurt or sick in the seat next to him, and he's trying to rush to the hospital, and he's in a way bigger, more legitimate hurry than I am -- it is actually I who am in his way. Or I can choose to force myself to consider the likelihood that everyone else in the supermarket's checkout line is just as bored and frustrated as I am, and that some of these people probably have much harder, more tedious or painful lives than I do, overall.
Again, please don't think that I'm giving you moral advice, or that I'm saying you're "supposed to" think this way, or that anyone expects you to just automatically do it, because it's hard, it takes will and mental effort, and if you're like me, some days you won't be able to do it, or you just flat-out won't want to. But most days, if you're aware enough to give yourself a choice, you can choose to look differently at this fat, dead-eyed, over-made-lady who just screamed at her little child in the checkout line -- maybe she's not usually like this; maybe she's been up three straight nights holding the hand of her husband who's dying of bone cancer, or maybe this very lady is the low-wage clerk at the Motor Vehicles Dept. who just yesterday helped your spouse resolve a nightmarish red-tape problem through some small act of bureaucratic kindness. Of course, none of this is likely, but it's also not impossible -- it just depends on what you want to consider. If you're automatically sure that you know what reality is and who and what is really important -- if you want to operate on your default-setting -- then you, like me, will not consider possibilities that aren't pointless and annoying. But if you've really learned how to think, how to pay attention, then you will know you have other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, loud, slow, consumer-hell-type situation as not only meaningful but sacred, on fire with the same force that lit the stars -- compassion, love, the sub-surface unity of all things. Not that that mystical stuff's necessarily true: The only thing that's capital-T True is that you get to decide how you're going to try to see it. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't. You get to decide what to worship...

Edel Rodriguez

Because here's something else that's true. In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of God or spiritual-type thing to worship -- be it J.C. or Allah, be it Yahweh or the Wiccan mother-goddess or the Four Noble Truths or some infrangible set of ethical principles -- is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things -- if they are where you tap real meaning in life -- then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already -- it's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power -- you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart -- you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on.
Look, the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they're evil or sinful; it is that they are unconscious. They are default-settings. They're the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that's what you're doing. And the world will not discourage you from operating on your default-settings, because the world of men and money and power hums along quite nicely on the fuel of fear and contempt and frustration and craving and the worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom to be lords of our own tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default-setting, the "rat race" -- the constant gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing.
I know that this stuff probably doesn't sound fun and breezy or grandly inspirational. What it is, so far as I can see, is the truth with a whole lot of rhetorical bullshit pared away. Obviously, you can think of it whatever you wish. But please don't dismiss it as some finger-wagging Dr. Laura sermon. None of this is about morality, or religion, or dogma, or big fancy questions of life after death. The capital-T Truth is about life before death. It is about making it to 30, or maybe 50, without wanting to shoot yourself in the head. It is about simple awareness -- awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, that we have to keep reminding ourselves, over and over: "This is water, this is water."
It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive, day in and day out.

William Fitzsimmons

William Fitzsimmons

Folk.Honest.Beautiful

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

"Beauty"

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There... Read More is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I want something new. I want something exciting.
I am lacking that motivation, that inspiration, that adventure.
I have constant thoughts running through my brain... thoughts about what I want to look like, how I want my future to be, what I want to be apart of, what I want to do. These thoughts are a constant. A Streaming video on repeat in my head. But I'm stuck. I'm in between a wall and a corner. I am my own worst enemy. Because no matter how much I think about those things, no matter how many times I think to myself "I want to do this." I don't ever seem to get there.
After some time, I've noticed that my goal life, my vision of how I want my life to be, how I want to be, has become stagnant... I can no longer see the vivid colors of the dreams. I can't feel the excitement of the goals. I find myself looking for something to dream about at night, and I struggle to bring those visions to my mind... I've lost sight of them. The things that I would get so excited for have been lost in the sea of tedious nothingness that my life's routine has become. But this is the thing: I know I can get out of it. I know that I can change the outlook of my future, of myself, and that all I need is that 'push'. So I start to look. I start to think about how I can find that inspiration that I need to get my dream train going.... And I can't find it! Sometimes it'd be that movie. Or that book. Or that friend that you can always count on for that refreshment. But I can't find them. And I can feel myself slipping further and further away from that creative, driven, ambitious side of myself.
It's like I'm a train with a long load of work to do. I don't doubt in myself that I can finish all of that work, and do it amazingly, I know I can. But my personal demon, my struggle, is getting that train to START. It's always been the hardest part for me. Once I get it going, I know I can do it and I'll be happy and accomplished, but its getting that lazy/uncertain/unconfident side of me to focus that's my hardest struggle. And as of right now, I'm losing against myself. FML.

Fleet Foxes

Fleet Foxes
Folk Dusty Back to Basics Lovely

Mon Homme

and how do you know when to let go?

where does the good go?

look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive.

look me in the heart and tell me you wont go.

look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love.

look me in the heart and unbreak broken it wont happen.

The Power of Love

Sometimes I get scared.
I think of the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me...

The loss of a Loved One...

And I choke up.

My breath gets caught in my throat
and suddenly I struggle to breathe.
I start to feel the tingling sting in my eyes
and my vision starts to blur....
My heart physically starts to ache
Tighten
Distress...

I cannot fathom the loss of someone I love...
I love the people in my life... so much.... words cannot even describe.
They are not worthy.
They would insult the depth of the love.

I know that life is life.
That life is not eternal.
That death is a natural process.
In my head, its a logical fact.
But my heart is stronger.
Death does not, CANNOT, exist.
There is no such thing in my heart.

And I live mostly by my heart.

I am scared to death.
I can't even bare to think about it.
Because each person I care about... occupies a large part of my heart.
THEY are my heart.
THEY are my life.
And all I can do, is hope to God... to the Universe... to Life....
that I do not, ever, come even close... to losing any of them.

.... I would not survive....

I would die with them.

Still the Same...

I know what I want.
I have a list.
I've put it everywhere so that I can see it,
but I always seem to lose sight of it somehow...
So I'm posting it on here,
and making a Promise.
A Promise to myself.



I am going to work as hard and as consistently as I can to accomplish every task on that list.
For myself.
There are things I want to feel
and I have some steps to take to make that feeling into a reality.

I want to feel healthy
I want to feel beautiful
I want to feel strong
I want to feel independant
I want to feel successful
I want to feel respected
Fun
Sexy
Womanly
Adult
Happy
Outgoing
Adequate
Fit

... And like I've done all the things that I've always wanted to do
and like I've attained all the things that I've wanted to get.



So now's the time.
I'm starting it.
I'm making it happen.


SCupcake's List of Wonders...

A studio loft
a better wardrobe
Steady income that covers all my needs as well as gives me room for play.
My tattoos all touched up and finished
To learn how to play the guitar
To take dancing lessons
To travel
Nicer things for my bedroom, and soon to be for my place
to start running again
to have more frequent spa days/nights
take better care of my body
1000% quit smoking tobacco
To start singing again
to do some really fun, beautiful photo shoots
To intern at in a fashion district
to work somehow in the music district
Go to Greece, France, Europe (basically) and Montreal with Shauna or Alone in the next 2 years
More girlie high heels
More girlie dresses
Sharper clothes
A headboard for my bed
Candles
Karate lessons again
Kayaking
Lasertag
My license
a Car
off the shoulder shirts
dangling earrings
To be swept away in passion
to be showered with unexpected gifts
to be taken out to nice restaurants
Rollerblading through Stanley Park
Treated to Spa days
Volunteer
Help out at local festivals
Help out at local fundraisers and events
Go to India, China, Egypt, Thailand and Africa in the next 3 years
Spend more time with my Grandmothers
Hang out with my little brothers
Get super awesome at Rock Band so I can Whomp my brothers





I just want to feel like I'm not being taken for granted
like I'm special
like I'm a prize.

My Dream/Goal Board

Fashion Industry - Styling, Marketing, Promotion, Designing
Event Planning, Hosting
Independent Boutique/Franchise Owner
Music Events
Charitable Event Planning, Hosting
Helping others who can't help themselves
Making a difference
Music Industry
Meeting new people
Helping others get their start
Changing the World
Healthy Lifestyle coaching

veio até mim

quem deixou me olhar assim

não pediu minha permissão

não pude evitar

tirou meu ar

fiquei sem chão

menino bonito

menino bonito ai

ai menino bonito

menino bonito ai

é tudo o que eu posso

lhe adiantar

o que é um beijo se eu posso ter o teu olhar

cai na dança cai

vem pra roda da malemolência

Elixxxxxxxuir

Fantasied and Prophesied
Thick. Succulent, and Quaint.
Lick my lips and bat my eyes
Rich. Sexy, and Taint.

Whatever.

We make it to break it
These silly games are played
I thought all those words... you meant it
But I guess this is what it feels like to be played.

Both directions, they're pulling
Heart torn, tattered and maimed
Your eyes, they tell such stories, behind them...
But I guess it's just me to be blamed.

We make it to break it
Heart torn, tattered and maimed
I thought all those words... you meant it
But I guess it's just me to be blamed...
But I guess it's just me to be blamed...
But I guess it's just me
to
be
blamed.

Céu

Céu

Sensual. Exotic. Feminine.

Stupid Cupid, You're a real mean guy...

Cupid's choke hold view
I want to kiss You
but if I do then I might miss You...
it's complicated and stupid
Guess he wants to see
just how deep this could potentially be...

Honesty.
Be Real with Me.
What did your archaic actions
truly mean?
You're hard to read
Frustration being key.

hold me and love me
Craving the unknown touch
maybe three seconds is enough
for my heart to bleed.

Kings of Leon

Kings of Leon
Talent. Sex Appeal. Intoxicating.

Portugal. The Man

Portugal. The Man
Fondness. Blessed. Days to come.

May 1st, 2009 Face Of Today Launch Party

FACE OF TODAY Official Launch

May 2nd, 2009 by raj in Vancouver

On Friday, May 1st, Vancouver’s next generation of entrepreneurs mingled with established business owners, media and socialites in an evening of philanthropy, inspiration and celebration at the new location of Nuba in Gastown.

Inspired by Jacqui Cohen’s Face the World Foundation which has raised and disbursed close to $5,000,000 to many worthwhile groups and organizations throughout Greater Vancouver, now Cohen’s 22-year-old daughter, Kasondra, has united with friends to create the Face of Today foundation making her the youngest philanthropist in North America to establish a foundation.

Locally, Face of Today will designate a portion of donations towards assisting underprivileged students in Vancouver to attain a higher education.

To find out more about the event and the foundation, check out the original release, after the jump.

The original release:

The FACE OF TODAY official launch party is just days away!

LOCATION:
The launch of Face of Today will take place at NUBA Restaurant (207 West Hastings Street), a place where fresh food meets innovation and design. NUBA is the perfect location for the event because its concept is named after Ziryab, an unparalleled creator, inventor and arbitrator of style and taste, who influenced the fashion and arts. Like Ziryab, FOT is a platform for standards of excellence, innovation and change.

Friday, May 1st, 8:00.

OVERVIEW:
Vancouver’s next generation of entrepreneurs will mingle with established business owners, media and socialites in an evening of philanthropy, inspiration and celebration. Highlights include live entertainment, a fabulous raffle, an exclusive silent auction, body painted models, to-die-for gift bags, drink specials and complimentary canapés. Tickets are $30/$35 door. Valet $7.

OBJECTIVE:
Face of Today launch is designed:
• To raise awareness the Face of Today brand
• To generate excitement about Face of Today’s initiatives
• To raise funds for Face of Today
• To introduce young adults to philanthropy in an engaging and inspiring way
• To give the “next” generation access to inspiring business leaders in their community
• To provide a networking opportunity with a cause
• To demonstrate the strength of young people giving back to their community

JOINUS!
The launch of Face of Today will introduce the younger entrepreneur and aspiring CEO to a worthwhile cause in a fun environment.

Be philanthropic, be caring, be smart. Come play.

Beirut

BEIRUT

Folk, Foreign, Beautiful.

Moving Mountains

Moving Mountains
Amazing. Talented. Imaginative.

B E A S T

B E A S T
Dark, Satanic, Erotic, Sexy.

Meaghan Smith

Meaghan Smith
Pleasant, Beautiful, Folk Dreaming