I want to Drink you Sober.

Children. Memories. Love. Pain. Friends. Family. Future. Past. Death. Life. Creativity. Insecurity. Failure. Doubt. Success. Confidence. Music. Pictures. Scenery. Feelings. Textures. Nature.

It seems to take very little to break my sociological wall of remaining composed. With the whisp of a memory, I crumble to pieces. With the sight of a raw emotional reaction in another, I am overwhelmed. With the realization of what another is possibly experiencing, I feel my heart twang.
Some say I am sensitive. Some say I am observant. I think what it all comes down to, is sometimes I feel more then I can handle.

I will find myself casually walking down a street, completely preoccupied with the day's list of things to accomplish, when the sight of a stranger's face can make me halt in my tracks. Whatever it is I see in that stranger provokes a strong enough reaction in myself where, without even knowing exactly what it is I'm seeing or reading within that expression, my heart swells up with emotion and I am consumed. I will be sitting on a bus, and see an elderly man with kind eyes smile at a child, the quick exchange alone makes this big silly smile spread uncontrollably on my face, and I feel love in my heart.

It's so hard to explain. Its a really beautiful thing.

What makes this awareness hard is how quickly a single action can make my heart physically ache with pain. I know what it feels like when feelings hurt so strongly, you ache. Sometimes the ache is so sharp it makes it hard to breathe.

It's just insane how much of an reaction I can sometimes get from something that doesn't even directly involve me. Maybe I'm too imaginative. Maybe I take things too personally. Whatever the negative of the situation is, I'm working on it. And at the same time, I'm proud to be able to relate to even a stranger's glimpse of reality.

Love
SCupcake, xox

Fresh Beginning.

This year is coming to an end, and the memories I have from it are so amazing. There was a lot of hard times this year, but because of the hard, it really showed me the beauty in the good. During this year, I become SO close to someone who is now one of the most important people in my life. S, I am just SO thankful to have you in my life! I was just thinking about how last new years, you were surprisingly at the party I was attending, and I remember we were SO excited to have each other there! You were one of my new years kisses, and you stuck by my side when a certain boy whom had been difficult was entering my life again in a very unexpected way! I remembered we had both recently picked up smoking and we snuck outside to have little smoke breaks with each other throughout the party. What strikes me as interesting is, beginning the year with you holding my hand and screaming "HAPPY NEW YEARS" with me at the top of our lungs was foreshadowing what the rest of the new year would bring me. We became SO close this year, not saying that we weren't close before, but we just totally overcame so many different levels of our friendship, and the ease that we did it with astounds me! What a better way to end this year and start a new one again with you by my side :) Love you sweetheart!

This year also gave me new friendships, one in perticular: JMan, how could I forget you?? We were always kinda-sorta friends throughout knowing each other, but this summer, we totally hit it out of the park. You, S and CJAM are HUGE influences in my life. I am SO blessed to have you guys in my life. And every time I think about you guys, I get this huge smile across my face. You guys definitely became my family this year. We're inseperable, and this is something I am blown away by.

So lets do it guys. Lets kick off this year with a plan to set our little "entourage" dream/soon-to-be-reality lifestyle into action!

Frick. This is a clean slate. I'm going in optomistic, fresh, excited, driven, and with the confident that I have you guys by my side.

Love you guys.
SCupcake. xox

Forgive yourself.

Cry.

Cry, and scream it out.

Cry, scream, and pour your soul into every bit of expression.

Release.

Rid yourself of it.

Rid yourself of it, and move on.

Move on.