Realizations....

I just had a realization.

It's about You. And what we went through... and the confusion of it's outcome.

Maybe it confuses me so much because I just don't understand You. I don't know Your story, I don't know Your mentality, or Your outlook. I'm not going to take your actions to heart. After all, I don't know You. Your way of dealing with things, differ from mine, but I have to be understanding of that. And just let it all go. And learn from it.
I would genuinely like to be friends with You. I really would. I don't see how we shouldn't be, it's not like there are any reasons why we shouldn't be.
So I'm letting the confusion and the reactions your actions have given me go.

Heck, this is my Day 26. I'm on a roll. Life will be Life, if you're in mine, then you're in mine. If not, then you're not. And that's that. And I'm good with that. I'll still be openminded to You and your friends if you make another appearance in my life, why not? I'm solid with myself, having you in my life or not isn't going to make or break me. And that goes for everyone whom crosses paths with me. Because I know that the main wonderful amazing people I have in my life are there for life. I have a family, not purely of blood, but of soul. And I will never be alone. Because I have Love in my Life. And such Huge amounts of it.

Shoutout:
ShJeCoKrDaScBoNiKiSiJeAmTrBuMaCoMoDaHeGrGCPeWeAlMi
DeWySaPaClSeTaMaRaLePeBaPaKrSeJe

Day 27 of the Struggle...

Day 27 was a good day.

Although I didn't have proper time to update, I'm now filling you all in.

S and I went out for tea and chat time before heading to S's Friend's birthday party at Darbys Pub on W4th and MacDonald.

I didn't know anyone, but I had a great time. There was rock band going on in one corner, and a top 40 DJ (was he even really a DJ?) going on in another corner. Needless to say, the fact that I didn't know anyone just fed into my fire of not giving a crap. So I got on what I would suppose was a dancefloor, and started hitting up the creeper dance. S joined in and soon I was making friends with the people who were around us, whose names I definitely don't remember. Apparently my dancing skills were pretty good, and as a reward I was bought 3 tequila shots, all from different people. We requested Spice Girls "Wannabe" and pretty soon I had the whole pub dancing with us.

All together, excellent night.

Oh, there's just one thing I have to admit to, Birthday Boy had a cigar and as a celebratory action, S and I split one. As far as I'm concerned, Cigars are luxury, and not considered smoking unless you have packs a day. Heck, I've had cigars now and then with my father since the age of 8.

Random Action of the Day:

Compliment a stranger. Make them genuinely smile.

Day 28 of the Struggle...

Day 28.

First of all, I just have to make a shout out to my amazing BFF Jman for the HAPPY NOVEMBER 13! HAPPY NEW DAY!
Just to let you know J, I've definitely been keeping myself chipper. New attitude. Thank you. :)
And don't worry, there will be random dancing in public.


Alright.
So, yesterday was pretty ridiculous for the amount of bad luck/trouble/stress/worst case scenarios I had thrown at me all in a short period of time.
I was THIS CLOSE to grabbing some randoms' smoke and inhaling, BUT I stayed strong and I'm proud of myself and of my other 30Dayer S. We're amazing. Let's keep this up.

So today I've been stressing and stressing because today's appointments really have an effect on my academical career. I've already met with Deans, Heads of Departments, Teachers... needless to say, I'm hoping, no, PRAYING for things to work out positively. PLEASE, who or whatever's out there, PLEASE help me get this to the best case scenario. Give me another chance to get this right. I have enough drive and want to accomplish my goals, and I do take responsibility for the lack of attention my academics have been receiving given the life situations I've been in for the past month and a half or so, but things are calming down, I'm starting to get more immune to life, and it's curveballs, so please, PLEASE, give me this chance to fix it.

Day 28 hasn't been too bad. Not yet. Hopefully it'll stay strong.

Progess Report:
Haven't smoked.
Haven't sworn.
Didn't miss classes
Made my bed before class
Cleaned my room before class
Made it to all my appointments.
Starting to get a grip on my stress managment.
Starting to get a grip on my studies.
I'll admit I was 7 mins late to class today. Stupid effing buses. (still didn't swear!!)

Random Action of the Day:

Break out randomly dancing, alone (meaning without anyone you know with you), and in public.

Day 29 of the Struggle...

Day 29.


It seems like everythings crumbling around me. Fuck. How the fuck did this happen? What the hell's wrong with me?
These 29 days are going to stand for something.
I'm going to make a change in my life. For the BETTER.

Changes:
No swearing!
No smoking.
Healthy Eating
Working out.
Cleaning my room every morning before class.
No Tardiness for Classes.
No more Missing Classes, regardless of how fucking sick I am.
Stress managment.
Staying on top of my studies.


I just hope I get the chance to do this...


I just feel like it's, in a way, been taken to the extremes in a unfair way. It's not like I just sit around on my ass not doing anything, or just slack off.

Mystery

Who is She?
What makes her tick?
What makes her breathe?
What makes her sigh?
What makes her love?

The desire you feel
The yearning you taste
The question of her lips,
you feel through your waist.

Classic. Vamp. Dignified. Sex. Lust. Interest.